Not fun to watch. Not fun for the parent. Not fun for the kid. And I can’t help wondering: what sort of emotional understanding of eating does it instill in the child? I worry that establishing a pattern where eating is associated with anxiety and struggles for control may cause emotional reactions to food in later life. I hope I’m overreacting, for the sake of the many children I’ve witnessed having food fights with their parents. But at the very least, food fights are a major headache for the parent. And wouldn’t it be lovely if the whole family could relax and enjoy mealtime together?
My Advice
My advice on creating healthy eaters is primarily based on
first hand experience, but is also rooted in the advice of Catherine
Berglund, MPH, who spoke to my PEPS group when my son was learning to be a good
eater, and various other food experts.
This subject matter is not easy to study, so most of what I say is not
based in scientifically proven fact, but rather opinions and ideas that have been
validated by my experience. My advice
applies to children of all ages, but is much easier to implement if you start
right from the beginning. Otherwise,
you’ll find some habits are hard to break.
Breathe
My biggest piece of advice is:
BREATHE. Your child will learn to eat,
no matter what you do. Also, your child
will not starve himself. Children know
when they are hungry, and when they need to eat. So if you are offering solids, and your child
doesn’t seem interested, that’s okay.
Stop offering. He will eat when he
needs to. This piece of advice applies
to parenting in general – the more you breathe, the better off you and your
children will be.
Babies Communicate
Next, know that your child is communicating with you. She gives you cues around food; your job is
to know what they are, watch for them, and respond to them.
·
Cues baby is hungry: looks at you when you’re offering food, opens
mouth when shown food, avidly watches you eat, reaches for food.
·
Cues baby is not hungry: looks away or fails to look toward you when
you’re offering food, closes mouth when shown food, pushes food away, or spits
food out.
Some of these may seem painfully obvious, but if you’re not
watching for them, or if you’re overly interested in making baby eat a certain
amount, you may miss them.
As soon as you receive a cue that baby is full, stop the
meal. Do not try to get one more bite
in. As long as you are receiving hunger
cues, continue the meal, no matter how much baby has already eaten.
Note this baby is leaning toward the food, eyes wide open, mouth wide open. This is a hungry baby! Photo by pixydust8605; uploaded from Flickr without amendment.
Empower Baby
Babies learn by experiencing things. They need to experience things on their own
terms via touch, smell, taste, and sound to grasp their world. We typically
allow them this freedom in the interest of fostering learning. We let them color outside the lines; we give
them finger paints and let them make a creative mess; we allow them to knock
down the blocks we’ve stacked up. These
are all ways we allow baby to make a bit of a mess in the name of empowerment
and learning.
Eating is also a learned skill. So why not approach it with the same attitude
we take when they are learning to color, paint, or stack blocks? Enforcing strict rules about how to eat, what
and how much to eat may limit baby’s interest in learning.
Babies have so little control in their young lives, and for
good reason. We parents spend most of
our days keeping them safe and healthy and enriching their lives, which
necessarily means we are in control most of the time. But eating is an area we can allow to be
primarily under their control. And who
knows? Giving them control may foster
interest, drive, and creativity, resulting in healthy and adventurous eating
habits for life.
Showing them from the start that you are allowing them to
take the reins, and then continuing to let them be in control as they age, allows
eating to be about their own experience and needs, rather than being something
they do because they have to.
Ways to Empower Baby
·
Allow baby to feed herself
o
This is one of the principles behind Baby Led
Weaning (BLW). These babies skip purees
and start feeding themselves from the start.
(See my “Solid Food Introduction” blog post for more information on
BLW).
o
Most babies who have not done BLW are ready to
start feeding themselves around 9 months.
You will probably need to continue spoon feeding for some time, but they
are ready to start trying to pick up finger foods. (See my upcoming post on food quality for
healthy finger food options.)
·
Allow her to make a mess
·
Allow her to play with her food (remember this
is how babies learn)
Contain Yourself
Baby picks up on your emotions. Probably more than you realize. When you are visibly disappointed that he
declines the bite of food you are offering, he sees that. And when you are exuberant because he decides
to take the bite he was considering declining, he sees that. Babies may start to learn that taking in more
food makes you happy, and that declining food makes you sad. They want to make you happy, so they may
start to open up just to please you. They
also may learn to compete with you for control.
This can be one of the first times they see that their actions produce
certain emotional responses from you.
So review the cues outlined above, and when you’re following
them, do so without emotional attachment. Remember, babies know when to eat, and will
not starve themselves. So don’t pretend to be emotionless about their
eating – actually be emotionless
about it.
Family Meal
Eat at routine times, at the dinner table, with the family,
without TV, gadgets, or other distractions.
Talk about how everyone’s days went.
Before long, your baby will participate in the discussion. This is hard for families who have a parent
who works long hours. Do the best you
can. It is valuable to have family meals
even when only one parent can be present.
The 10 Try Rule
It can take 10 trials of a food before a child knows for
sure whether he likes it or not. So if
you offer chicken 6 times and baby doesn’t seem to like it, try 4 more
times. Without emotional attachment of
course!
Desert
Avoid using food as a bribe, reward, or punishment. Instead, use sticker charts, toys,
activities, etc. Food is for
nourishment. If you want to offer desert
or a treat, do so. But do not attach
strings to it such as finishing your plate or cleaning your room. Be careful offering fruit after every meal,
as this can instill the need for a sweet just as if you had offered desert.
Toddlers
Toddlers will go through a picky phase. They are learning exactly what they do and do
not like in this life. They are also
learning their place in this world. In
my experience, the picky phase is mostly about wanting to gain control. If food has never involved a power struggle
for them, their picky phase will likely be less severe.
Toddler nutrition spans a week, not a day. Adults need a variety of nutrients every day
for optimal health. But toddlers do
not. So if they skip the protein for a
few days, that’s okay. Likewise, if they
eat fruit for 2 days, apart from the messy diaper, that’s okay.
Consider getting creative and imaginative with food during
the picky phase. Think broccoli forests,
asparagus spears, and mushroom houses.
But be careful – don’t get so wrapped up in the creativity that you get emotional
about getting them to eat.
Participation
Encourage your kids to participate in food from the
start. At the store with your child,
even your infant, point out what you are buying. Let her touch produce. Take her to the bulk spice aisle and let her
smell spices. Tell her the names of the
items you are putting in the cart. Take
your child to farmers markets, community gardens, and you–pick farms. Start your own garden and involve your child
in the planning, planting, watering, and harvesting. Involve your child in cooking. An infant can be worn or sit in an
appropriate seat in the kitchen while you are cooking. A toddler can stand on a learning platform
and watch what you are doing. Explain
what items you are using and what you are doing. Allow older toddlers to hold spoons and help
you measure and stir. Any participation
a child has in food preparation provides him with a sense of control over the
food experience and piques his interest.
NOTE: Always follow
your child’s Health Care Provider’s advice on solid food introduction and
nutrition. If your child is underweight,
or has other nutritional or developmental concerns, stay in close contact with
your child’s provider, and know that the approaches I’ve outlined here may not
work for you and your child.
Resources:
Catherine Berglund, MPH, maintains a
GoodEater4Life Facebook page:
BabyLedWeaning.com
I’ve enjoyed good and healthy family friendly recipes from:
Feeding the Whole Family, by Cynthia Lair; www.cynthialair.com
I have no financial interests to disclose.
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